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Yes Yes Ohyes, kick me harder.
Jockey Victor Molina kicked his horse in the stomach at Philadelphia Park in Bensalem after the animal, named “Yes Yes Ohyes,” jostled the tiny man in the starting gate.
The best part is that Molina’s kick was captured on Television Games Network and broadcast live. Philadelphia Park booted the jockey later that day after viewers called to complain.
The moral of the story here is that it’s OK to strap tiny people on the back of a horse. It’s OK to whip said horses backside as they sprint around the track. It’s even OK to bet money on which panicked, sprinting horse with a wee-person on it’s back will pass the finish line first.
It is NOT acceptable to kick a horse, though. Shame on you Victor Molina, you horse-kicking bastard. Pick on someone your own size…(get it – cause he’s really small).
Security tightens, bathrooms passes next
Nearly six years after 9/11, City Hall tightens security
Bearing a $6.5 million price-tag, Philadelphia officials announced a slew of new security measures at City Hall which include guarded doors, turnstiles and ID cards for employees.
No word yet on laminated bathroom passes and an integrated buddy system with optional handholding.
Citizens of Philadelphia…hate on your baseball team
It has been widely reported that the Philadelphia Phillies are just games away from becoming the first team in the history of civilization to lose 10,000 games.
I hate to break up the perpetually pessimistic coverage of nearly every sports team in the Philadelphia area, but I know of a team that was actually less successful than the Phils.
In the late 1980s and early 1990s, a little league team lost every game of every season by enforcement of the 10-run rule. Let’s say we…errrr, they…played 10 games a season over three seasons. At that rate, we sucked pretty badly and (here’s where we beat-out the Phillies) we were consistently terrible and were recipients of the “mercy rule” every single outing.
And, because everyone felt bad for us (the same way you feel bad for people who have to wear helmets all the time), we got ice cream after every fucking game. YYYEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Some lady gets pissed at funny shit
Lisa Bahr has no sense of humor. She was at a Phillies game and the jumbo screen (note: jumbo is a funny word) was featuring various couple throughout the stadium kissing. Personally, that idea alone makes me want to foul people.
Lisa actually thinks this “kiss cam” sounds like fun. That fun turned into disappointment when the camera found two dudes standing next to each other. In a letter to Phillies officials, Lisa described the event and her outrage:
On Sunday, your kiss cam (after a few minutes of showing lovely couples pecking) zoomed in on two men standing next to each other, and the crowd erupted in laughter. ‘Why is that funny?’ I wondered to myself. What if they DID kiss? Would it still be funny? Would their love still be a joke, not recognized as the same commitment as any of the other couples your kiss cam featured? Or would the crowd be so stunned that *gasp* some men kiss men that the stadium would’ve been silent? But instead, your kiss cam operator thought it would be amusing to mock gay people (a group that has it hard enough without being ridiculed during a national pastime). I am very disappointed that your stadium would condone such behavior from its employees.”You can’t possibly be mad at the person working the camera. In fact, it would make more sense to think that the camera person was being inclusive rather than mocking these dudes.
Also, if I were there, I would think it hilarious if two unsuspecting dudes were featured during this “kiss cam” feature. How is that mockery? If a stadium full of people laughs, it has to be funny. No guessing there – that’s the sweet science of humor in numbers (A = an event, B = everyone laughing, C = funny…If B follows A, then C is awesome).
Seriously, though, it’s not that being gay is funny. It’s just that insinuating gayness on an enormous screen in front of thousands of people at a baseball game is funny.
Isn’t that weird? I found the whole idea shit-stupid and saved only by the “dude-on-dude cam” and Lisa actually liked the “kiss cam” concept, but found it ruined by a rogue, homophobic camera operator.
While we’re talking about jumbo screen features at a Phillies game, here are a few ideas – “five beers deep cam,” “domestic abuse cam” (aka the “Brett Myers cam”), “nice rack cam,” and “cougar cam.” Hey, know what, let’s have a “gay cam” too. Good job, Lisa Bahr.
The quiet passing of a word I’m not allowed to say (hint: It's not vanilla face)
As a cracker, honkey, white bread, vanilla-faced male, I was glad when the NAACP Philadelphia Youth Council had a mock funeral for…shit, do I actually write it out or what…the n-word.
I’m not one of those people who will swear they never used the word. I have used it (as a kid) – mainly because I thought it was OK to use. Shit, most everyone else I knew growing up used it (both black and white). When I realized that most people are offended by that word and the history of the word carried more than I ever intended when I did use it, I didn’t say it anymore.
I’m glad that the NAACP decided to bury a word because I was confused about the whole thing anyway. I’ve never known a word that had so many rules attached to it – some people can use it some of the time; most people can never use it; and others can use it willy nilly.
I do disagree, though, with Philadelphia Inquirer Columnist Annette John-Hall’s June 26 column where she suggests that the word is somehow tied to death and destruction in Philly. That’s pretty much absurd. If you think a word is some type of catalyst for crime, you are either ignoring the issue or you took a smaller bus to school.
You know what? I think the word “gasoline” is directly responsible for global warming. And the word “Twinkie” is tied to obesity. C’mon.
Actually, John-Hall does say that the funeral was aimed not at the word, but the pain it causes. That makes more sense, but if you truly buried the word and people never used it again, I’m not sure if any less pain would wrack Philadelphia.
When it comes down to it, though, what the hell do I know? I’m a white boy who never felt the sting of the n-word. Racial slurs aimed at white people aren’t even offensive – they’re just silly (see first paragraph).
It seems obtuse to think that the elimination of a word, no matter how offensive, could affect something as serious as an out-of-control murder rate in Philadelphia.
I guess we wouldn’t know if it did until we tried.
Norberto Cappas and the concept of “eye-for-an-eye”
Some Philly cop named Norberto Cappas was finally dealt with for telling two chicks to make-out in a jail cell.
The jailhouse show was ordered by Cappas in September 2003 and the women involved, who had been detained for possible drug possession, were actually released and not charged with a crime.
As punishment, Cappas was fired…that’s it. I’m thinking he probably won’t learn his lesson until he and a buddy are picked up some night on suspicion of being a retard and made to share a cell. Good luck with life, Norberto, because you suck.
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